My life is a complete and utter mess right now. I don’t know as though I’ve ever been so stressed in my life for this length of time. The minute I think it’s about to end and I’m going to finally get a break, it just keeps going. I’m sick of feeling tired and totally burned out and having a constant stress headache. I’m sick of not caring about a single thing in my life except cuddling with Nick, talking to my fellow SAPAs, and watching the X Files. I miss working out, I miss my passion for my major, I miss being able to laugh and relax with my roommates, I miss having time to actually make healthy and delicious meals. Most of all I’m sick of lying on my bed, staring at my ceiling, my piles of homework sitting untouched in my backpack, doing nothing for hours. I have no motivation. I am completely apathetic.
But I realized today, when we had a guest speaker in my personal training class that competes in strength competitions, that maybe what I need to do is set some personal goals for myself. Small, realistic goals. Something to get me back on track. So, here they are.
- Breathe. Seriously, I don’t do this enough. One time I rushed myself so bad to get to work on time (even though my boss knows I’ll always be late because of my class right before the shift) that I actually made myself physically ill. Like, what?! No. Not healthy. Plus then I miss smiling at strangers, looking at the clouds, the smell of autumn, etc.
- Do at least 15 minutes of homework for each class that day immediately when I get home. Chances are, by doing this I’ll end up doing more than 15 minutes, and I’ll also have at least 15 minutes done when I decide to pick it up again at midnight the night before it’s due.
- Stop spending money. Seriously, I have coffee I can make at home, I have food I can make into snacks or meals to take with me to campus, I have plenty of clothes, I just need to be more creative. Stopstopstop I will regret it when I need to pay off my loans and buy a dog and buy a house and travel the world.
- Read a book for fun for at least 20 minutes twice a week. I miss reading so much and it will re-energize me. Plus, I already spent three times that amount of time on tumblr in one sitting.
- Go workout at night. That way I have those preliminary homework duties out of the way, I’ve already eaten dinner, and there’s less people at the gym right before it closes.
- Continue to celebrate the many wonderful people I am surrounded by, especially women. I can be the change I wish to see in the world. I can end this competition. I can start a new, fun, and uplifting competition. Who can celebrate others the loudest? People rock. You just have to get to know them.
I think that’s enough. They’re manageable. Maybe in a few weeks I can check back in and add more. We’ll see. I need to stop stressing myself out. Everything will work out.